How to write a hookup profile: fields, photos and privacy

How to write a hookup profile: start with the fields

The first step in how to write a hookup profile is the fields, because several apps use them to decide who sees whom. Feeld says Desires, interests and Reflections guide who you see, and that it will never rank profiles. HUD's My Bedroom preferences sort topics into into, open to and not into, and together with the Bedroom Archetype they show compatibility before you match. Grindr's grid of nearby profiles is narrowed with tags and filters, and favorites can be starred. Ashley Madison members search by Interests and Desires tags.

Pure works from personal ads. You must post your own ad to see anyone else's, the feed follows your preferences, location and filters (Turn-ons included), and the "Looking for" field has five options. Other apps ask for intent in their own words: Bumble has Intentions and Looking For, Badoo has Shared Intentions, and Match has a Dating Intention filter. AdultFriendFinder records at sign-up who you are (man, woman, couple, group or trans) and who you are looking for.

Pick the options that are true this month. A field set wider than you mean it brings in messages from people who expect something else. The same goes for exclusions: HUD's not into list is the plainest place to state them.

Say what you want in plain words

The text itself can be short. Two or three sentences cover what a stranger needs before deciding to write: the arrangement you want, when you are free, how you like to begin, and what is off the table. Written out as a checklist:

• The arrangement: one night, something recurring, friends with benefits (see what FWB means) or open to either
• Timing: tonight, weekdays, weekends, only when traveling
• How to start: chat first, a call first, or straight to a plan
• Limits: the things you will not do, said once and without apology

Describe the arrangement, never the acts. Apps moderate content too: HUD says its AI and staff moderate profile photos, messages and media files, and Bumble blurs explicit photos automatically. A plain profile gives them nothing to act on. Use the wording from the field in the text as well: if the field says casual and the text says "see where it goes", the mismatch shows in the first message.

Be honest on the points a first meeting will test: photos, age and relationship status. A couple sharing one account should say so (AdultFriendFinder's sign-up has a couple option), and so should someone who is partnered or in an open relationship. It also saves a round of questions.

Photos, verification and private albums

Verification checks that the photos belong to the person posting them. DOWN requires a selfie check before swiping, and its FAQ says every person on it is photo-verified. On Pure the badge is optional, takes under 30 seconds and needs no ID, and members can ask for a "true photo" in chat, so a recent, unedited picture saves an awkward exchange. Plenty of Fish compares a video selfie with the main profile photo, and changing the main photo means verifying again. HUD's privacy policy words Live Video Verification as optional and says it captures a number of photos from a live video stream through third-party services. Feeld's safety page calls its photo verification optional.

Verification is a privacy decision as well. Bumble and Pure use Veriff, Coffee Meets Bagel uses Persona with a scan of facial geometry, DOWN outside the US uses Yoti, and Hinge's policy mentions face geometry data. A badge proves less than it suggests: OkCupid and Plenty of Fish say in their terms that they run no criminal background or identity checks, and Coffee Meets Bagel says "We do not routinely verify the identity of our Users." The pages on verification across apps compare the apps.

Private photo tools decide who sees which picture. Grindr has private albums that can be shared and unshared. On Pure, photos and videos cannot be saved or screenshotted, and you are notified of screenshot attempts. Feeld lets photos carry timers, sets videos to play once, blocks screenshots of images sent in chat and offers optional nudity detection that blurs explicit images. Ashley Madison, HUD and SCRUFF also list private photos, and the pages checked do not say how those three work. The private photos list has the app-by-app view.

What to keep out of a profile

The last part of how to write a hookup profile is what not to write. Leave out anything that lets a stranger find you outside the app: surname, employer, street, the name of your gym or building, and usernames from other platforms. The same goes for details inside photos, such as a work badge, a house number or a view from a window.

The reason is location. Grindr's terms say other users may see an approximate distance or a map position that is "generally offset from your actual location", and terms 4.2 warn that a sophisticated user may still estimate where you are. HUD includes an approximate location (city and country) in the profile. Most other apps do not state how exact the distance shown to others is. Text that names a neighborhood or a regular spot adds back the precision the app took away.

The data side is separate. Apps collect device location, and verification hands a selfie or face scan to a vendor, so a profile is also a record held by the app and its verification vendor. The our privacy guide covers what each privacy policy says, anonymous hookup apps and discreet dating apps rank the options for people who need more distance, and safety and scams cover what happens after the first message.

Common questions